It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
