The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
