o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
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