I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
