I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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