We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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