When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
