i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
