Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
