I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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