I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
