yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
