Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
