the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
