See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
