the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
