what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
