i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
