If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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