considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
