I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
