Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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