That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
