those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
false alarm, still single
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