big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
