i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
