she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
