god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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