...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Randomize
