Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
