I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
