Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
