No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
