***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
from now on my penis is your penis
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
