I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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