You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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