I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
