How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
