I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
