I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My liver just had a heart attack.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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