We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
