He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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