he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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