the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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