you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
