he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
