you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
