i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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