I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
should my penis look like a turkey
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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