there's paper in my vomit.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
