This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
