is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
