i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Randomize
