I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
