Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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