I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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