we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
