just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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