They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize