This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
