filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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