Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
