I am in a vortex of obligation.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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