my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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