Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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