i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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