every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
3 2 1 whiskey
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
