she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize