Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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