1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
