ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
