i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
