so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
