I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
