I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
