the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
